Aftermath
by wolfypuppypiles
Summary: Alec deals with the fact that he murdered someone, demon possession or not, and takes care of Izzy while they have a talk about what Izzy said while possessed. Basically everyone hurts but everyone gets support they need
1. Chapter 1

Alec picked Izzy up as she stumbled, scooping her into his arms and cradling her as she wound her arms around his neck and leant her head on his shoulder. He could hear Jace's footsteps as he jogged to keep up as Alec brought Izzy to the infirmary.

He hugged her tighter as she groaned in pain, heading for a bed to put her in.

"It's okay, Izzy. I got you."

Other shadowhunters came to help but Jace waved them away as Alec laid Izzy down, gently pulling her arms from his neck and placing a hand underneath her head to ease her down into the pillows.

"Alec." Her eyes were barely open and there was blood soaked into Alec's shirt, leaving dark stains across his chest.

He brushed the hair out of her eyes and leant down to kiss her forehead.

"I know, it's okay. Everything's going to be fine, I'm right here, Jace and I are gonna take care of you." The archer began pulling things from drawers, bandages, and compresses, as Izzy turned to her other brother who came to kneel down beside her.

"Jace? You're back?"

The blonde smiled despite his worry and took her hand.

"Yeah, I'm okay. I missed you, I can't believe you got into trouble without me."

Izzy let out a laugh before it cut off with a whimper, her face creasing in pain. Alec came back to her, shushing her with a gentle voice as he got to work.

"I need to get to your shoulder, Iz. I'm gonna roll you over okay?"

He nodded at Jace as he carefully tipped her onto her side. Her wound was deep and bleeding fast even with the iratz rune and Alec cursed as blood dripped down her back and onto the bed, pressing a bandage to it.

Izzy whimpered at the pressure as Alec apologized for both the pain and her shirt as he began tearing the fabric around the stab wound.

"Sorry, I'll buy you a new one, I promise."

Although Izzy was hurt and the day had been far less than pleasant, they were finally reunited and Jace was so relieved he could cry. He held his little sisters hand and whispered to her as Alec concentrated on bandaging her up, drawing runes and wiping blood. Once it was finished, Alec helped Jace get Izzy into a comfortable position in the bed, piling pillows around her before tugging her shoes off and tucking her in.

"You get some rest Iz. Alec and I will stay here with you till you're feeling better."

Izzy heaved a sigh and squeezed his hand.

"Thanks. I'm glad you're back."

She smiled serenely before closing her eyes and falling asleep.

Jace was about to settle into the seat next to her bed when he heard gasping, heaving breaths behind him. It was Alec, stopped in the middle of putting things away and staring down at his blood covered hands.

Jace let go of his sister's hand to race to his brother, taking hold of his arms.

"Hey, Alec, what's wrong?" He could feel him shaking underneath his hands and grew further worried when he didn't answer.

"Alec!" The older boy flinched at the sudden noise and finally looked at Jace as if not noticing his presence until now. He tried to say something but all that came out was strangled pants as he presented his bloodied had as if that answered everything.

Jace didn't understand what could be wrong. They got covered in blood and demon ichor almost every hunt they went on. They weren't even strangers to having the blood of their loved ones painted over their skin but Alec was so freaked out Jace just took his hand and carefully started wiping the blood away.

"It's okay, Alec. You're okay. Come here, sit down."

Jace tugged on his hand, leading him to the chair beside Izzy and making him sit as he cleaned his hand.

Once the blood was all gone Alec heaved a sigh but still looked at his hand like he wanted to be rid of it altogether.

Alec buried his face in his other hand as his shoulders shook with the force of his breaths. Jace watched his Parabatai carefully.

"Alec, she's going to be fine." When Alec didn't say anything, he tried again, voice hushed.

"What happened? I heard about a demon being loose."

Alec lifted his face from his hand and Jace could see the pain in his eyes. He stood and walked out of the room, looking back at Izzy as he stopped in the doorway and waited for Jace. He couldn't stand still, he couldn't be around anyone right now but he didn't want to leave his sister either.

Jace swallowed and went to stand by Alec, who took several moments to speak. His voice was small and thick with emotion. He wouldn't look at Jace.

"I killed somebody."

Jace couldn't say this didn't shock him. They killed things on hunts all the time but somebodies were different. A somebody meant a person. And he knew how that would destroy Alec, hell, he had only been a part of Gretel's murder and he felt as if he was rotting from the inside out with the guilt. He couldn't imagine what single handily taking a life would feel like. But he knew that being possessed by a demon meant it wasn't his fault.

Alec still wouldn't meet his eyes so he just shook his head and placed a hand on Alec arm.

"I'm so sorry Alec. But you know it wasn't your fault."

Alec looked down at the hand on his arm and looked like he was about to cry.

"It was… Jace I'm so sorry. I can't." Alec turned and left, leaving Jace with Izzy as he tried to get to his room before he threw up.

He went past Clary's room on the way there and could hear her and Simon crying, agonizing wails and sobs of the worst kind of grief. He ran faster, tears blurring his eyes as he finally got to his room and ran to the shower. He turned on the water, still in his clothes as he fell to his knees and retched.

His hands pressed against the floor as blood flowed off him and swirled down the drain. It was everywhere, it was stained into the lines on his hands, soaked into his clothes. The blood was slippery between his hands and the tiles, and all he could see was Jocelyn's limp body on the ground, eyes open and empty, and his own eyes ink black and amused as he looked up at the camera.

He was worse than the things he hunted and he retched again as more blood flowed down the drain. His shirt was soaked with it from Izzy's shoulder and he lifted his shaking hands to peel it off before doing the same with the rest of his clothes. They were heavy and dripping red and he never wanted to see them again.

Once his stomach had nothing left to give he stayed on the floor of the shower and cried. His chest felt as if it had been punched through just as Jocelyn's had been, the pain and agony of having killed someone, someone's mother, tore through him and left nothing but blood stains and strangled breath.

He cried for a long time, the minutes and hours blending together until it was just cold water washing over him, all traces of blood gone. When he finally got out he was too tired to do anything more than fall into bed and sleep.

But his dreams were full of blood and black eyes, his own face smiling at him as he punched a hole through the chest of everyone that he loved till his hands were unrecognizable underneath the dripping lakes of red. He barely managed to stifle his scream as he woke, his clean, pale hands shaking in front of him.

He needed to see Izzy.

Alec got dressed as quickly as he could, ignoring the ruined and soaking clothes left in the bathroom from last night, before making his way to the infirmary.

Izzy was still in bed, but awake and looking better. Jace was there too and Alec froze in the doorway, unable to make his feet move any closer.

Izzy noticed his presence and smiled at him, alerting Jace as well, who turned and stood to greet him.

But Alec couldn't do it. He wanted to break down all over again. How was he supposed to look at his best friend and tell him he murdered his mother? A mother he never got to know.

Jace seemed to realize that Alec wasn't going to move, and started walking towards him. Alec's throat grew thick again.

"Hey, Alec are you okay?"

No, but I'm better than Clary is. And her mother.

"I'm fine. You should talk to Clary, she needs you and she'll be able to explain everything."

Jace shook his head, although he desperately wanted to see her.

"What are you talking about? What happened? I heard about the demon being loose but Izzy wouldn't say anything else."

Alec shook his head and tried again.

"Clary need's you."

"You need me! Alec come on, I know something's wrong. You got possessed too, so what happened?" 

Alec's chest heaved as his throat grew thick. He couldn't help himself, even though he never wanted to touch anything he loved ever again, with the hands that were used for murder, he grabbed Jace and pulled him into his arms. He squeezed tight and savoured this moment as if it was the last time he'd ever be allowed to hold him. Because he believed it might be.

"You know I love you, right? I'd never want to do anything to hurt you." His voice shook but he couldn't bring himself to care.

Jace hugged him back, not understanding but having missed his brother he needed that hug just as much.

"Yeah, of course I do. I love you too."

Alec's arms tightened as he closed his eyes, and felt their bond strengthen, savouring it in case Jace hated after learning the truth. He finally let go and wiped his eyes as Jace's face creased in worry.

"Alec please, tell me what's happening."

Alec shook his head, trying to gain back his composure.

"No, you talk to clary. We can talk after."

If you don't hate me. Please don't hate me

Jace looked between his two siblings and finally relented, running over to Izzy to give her a quick kiss on the cheek before leaving.

"Okay. But we are talking afterwards. Bye Izzy, love you."

"Love you too Jace."

Izzy watched Jace leave, her heart breaking for him. She wanted to spare him for just a little longer but knew he needed to hear what happened. Once he was gone she opened her arms and called her brother.

"Oh Alec."

He shook all over, pain rippling through him again as he made his way to his sister and fell into her arms. He allowed himself to break down once more as she held him, crying right along with him.

"I killed her Izzy."

"It was the demon Alec, that wasn't you."

"I punched a hole right through her chest. I don't remember it but I saw the video, I looked so awful. And then, waking up, with all that blood and clary she- she found me- found her mother."

"I'm so sorry."

"And Jace- god. I couldn't tell him. I couldn't look at him and just-"

He fell into sobs again and shook in his sister's arms. He felt as if she were the only thing holding him together.

"Alec, you listen to me." Se released him and took his hand, wiping away his tears with the other.

"That was not you, and I know it may feel awful and it will for a while, but that was not your fault you were just a victim just like that girl you found in the alley. You did nothing wrong and although clary might not want to see you right now, and Jace might need some time, they both know it wasn't your fault and they don't blame you."

Alec did feel awful but he knew his sister was right. And there was something else they needed to talk about.

"Izzy... do you remember much from yesterday? Before we took you here?"

She shook her head looking confused at the subject change.

"I remember hearing about Jocelyn and then it's a blank. Jace said I got hurt in a fight but-"

Alec squeezed her hands.

"You were possessed too."

Her eyes widened and her mouth fell open.

"What?"

"It got into you right after it left me"

"Did I hurt anyone? Did I hurt you?"

Alec thought of her knocking him over, her nails digging into his chest and threatening to tear through his skin, the way his head had pounded after it hit the ground.

"No. you didn't hurt anyone. But you said some things and-"

She looked worried as he studied their hands. Demons lie but this demon had brought out truths. Truths that were born of rage and hate. Things she would never want to say to her brother.

He finally looked up at her, forehead creased and eyes sincere.

"You know I don't think less of you, right? And I know mom has never been good with you, she's too harsh and she's never seen you for who you are. But you know we love you, right?"

"Alec what are you talking about?"

"You said I had always been the favourite and that you were in my shadow."

She opened her mouth to object although she did feel that way. Alec interrupted her.

"I know mums been harsh and she always made a point to say how proud she was of me while ignoring you completely but Izzy, you've never been in my shadow. And I'm sorry if I ever made you feel like you were. You're the best forensic pathologist in New York. Not just the institute but the whole of New York!" He said it with such awe and pride that Izzy couldn't help smile a little.

"You're smarter than Jace and I combined and you're always there for us. You've saved my life about a hundred times -"

"A hundred and three" she was smiling wide now and Alec found himself doing the same.

"You can run circles around Jace and I in battle and that's while wearing heels and other fashion death traps."

His voice became serious again

"And I have always been proud of you. I love you Izzy, no matter what. And I promise I'll be here for you. Always."

Izzy bit her lower lip as it wobbled. Alec may not have been on their parents good side right now but growing up had always been favoured over her. As was Jace. In fact her mother made it perfectly clear how she felt about her. It hurt, every time she was ignored for one of her siblings, every time she heard their mother say "I'm proud of you" to everyone but her.

She had been living with that hurt, with not being good enough, with being ignored, for her whole life and to hear Alec say those things was… it was everything.

Izzy jumped forward and wrapped her arms around her brother again, ignoring the way it pulled at her wound.

"Thank you, Alec."


	2. Chapter 2

Izzy had been so tired after everything that Alec insisted she get some more sleep. He tucked her in, after checking over her wound, and fluffed her pillows as she tried to convince him to see Clary.

"You should talk to her, she needs support right now."

Alec shook his head. He couldn't imagine going in there after what he did.

"She doesn't want to see me."

"Alec, she's hurting and Jace and Simon are grieving the same loss that she is, they can't be her rock while they're crumbling too. They need you."

Alec sat down again, settling into the chair he'd been in all morning.

"You need me too."

"You can go when I'm sleeping just-"

Alec wanted to help, he wanted to ease the pain that he caused but even the thought of seeing Clary and his brother made him feel like he was going to throw up again. But he knew he needed to do it. He couldn't avoid them forever. He just needed time to prepare.

He sighed and pushed her back into the bed as she tried to get up and force him to go.

"Okay, Okay. I'll talk to her, just stay here okay? I'll wait till you fall asleep, I just need… time to think of what to say."

Izzy relaxed, knowing Alec wouldn't go back on his word. She nodded and took his hand, closing her eyes, and praying that it would all work out okay.

Alec waited till Izzy's breaths evened out, and until he was sure she was sleeping soundly. He would have liked to stay there all day but he knew he couldn't leave it any longer. He needed to apologize to Clary. And Jace. And Simon. And Luke.

God, what a mess. If he thought about it too long he'd drown in the weight of the guilt and he'd never be able to look at them again. So, he took a deep breath and stopped thinking. He marched over to Clary's room and stopped in front of the door.

He could hear her sniffling but it wasn't the terrible wailing he'd heard last night, and he couldn't hear anyone else in the room. His hand froze an inch from the wood of the door for a minute before he could bring himself to knock.

He had never been very nice to Clary and they had never been close, but he'd been teaching her how to be a shadowhunter over the past few weeks and he hoped that he would help more than his presence would hurt.

The sniffling stopped and footsteps came to the door. When it opened, Clary was standing there in old pyjamas with a red face and tear filled eyes. Alec didn't know what to say but Clary just walked back to her bed and sat down, seeming to wait for Alec to join her.

She hadn't shouted at him, or told him she hated him so this was already going better than Alec could have hoped.

He closed the door behind him and sat beside her on the soft mattress. When she spoke, her voice was rough and wobbly from misuse after all the screaming from last night. She was hurting inside and out Alec winced at the pain he could hear from her, pain he inflicted.

"I'm so sick of crying. But I can't stop. I just keep remembering that she's gone. Simon and Jace wanted to stay with me but they lost her too so I sent them away to… process."

Alec squeezed his fingers in his lap, to the point of pain, in order to make himself say the words that had been screaming through his head ever since he woke up, covered in blood, in that hallway.

"Clary, I am so, so sorry. I'd do anything to get back that time. I'd do anything to make this right."

Clary shook her head and Alec was afraid she'd kick him out or tell him she hated him. But she didn't. In a small, defeated voice, she said the hardest thing she could have.

"I don't blame you. It wasn't your fault. I forgive you, Alec."

Alec's vision blurred with tears. He didn't know what to say. Before he could decide Clary spoke again, her breath speeding up and becoming heavier with the threat of tears.

"But I miss her so much, and it hurts so bad." The tears spilled over for them both, and Clary's shoulders shook.

"Tell me how to be a shadowhunter, tell me how to use this to make me strong."

Alec finally lifted his eyes to her and saw the endless amount of pain in her eyes. He wished it were that simple.

"Sometimes pain is just pain, Clary. It doesn't make you stronger it just….hurts."

The girl let out a sob and sank towards him, resting her head on his shoulder. He almost didn't want to touch her, to stain her with the blood that would always be on his hands. But this wasn't about him. She needed someone to hold her up and for now that was him.

"What am I supposed to do?"

Alec wrapped an arm around her and tried to sound reassuring.

"The demon is dead, you killed it. The only thing to do now is mourn."

"Is there a rune for that?"

Alec suddenly remembered that she wouldn't know. This was something he could do. He pulled his stele from his pocket and gently took Clary's arm.

"Yes. It won't ease your suffering but it's a mark to remember her. Shadowhunters wear them to symbolize our loss."

Clary watched as Alec burned the rune into her arm, the stinging helped clear her head and the mark, burning red, made her feel a little closer to her mother, like she was still there with her.

Once done, she leaned back against Alec and sighed.

"Thank you."

They sat for a few moments until Clary spoke again.

"I'm sorry for hurting Izzy, I just couldn't think of any other way to get her off you. I tried to be careful. How is she?"

Alec rubbed her arm, even while grieving she was thinking of others.

"She's fine. She's resting now. And you don't have to apologize, you saved her and I. I couldn't bring myself to hurt her, even to save myself, I just couldn't. She's my little sister, I couldn't even wing her. I would have let her kill me if you hadn't stopped her. So, thank you."

"I've never had a big brother before and now that I have Jace it's…complicated. Do you ever think we'll be as close as you and Izzy?"

Alec shrugged and pulled her closer, she had lost so much while being thrown into a world she didn't know. He didn't know how she was still so strong.

"It might take time but having an older brother just means having someone that will protect you while still being really annoying."

Clary let out a little laugh and Alec rubbed her arm.

"He'll always love you no matter what, that's what family is. You don't have to be related you just have to love them. Like Luke and Simon do for you."

Clary nodded, thinking about her small family, even smaller now, and how the only one left she was related to, only came into her life recently. Alec's voice was small and unsure but he meant every word.

"Izzy really likes you and I know you and I don't get along very often, and I know that's my fault. But… we can be your family too. Jace is our brother so that kind of means we're connected now."

Clary smiled and looked up at him, immensely grateful.

"Thank you, Alec."

He smiled as she yawned and tucked her head back to his shoulder.

"Did you get much sleep?"

"No, I couldn't stop thinking about her. And the demon and Izzy and…"

Alec nodded and stood from the bed, taking her hand hesitantly to pull her with him.

"Well, Izzy really wanted to see you and I wanted to check on her anyway. You should sleep, I'll stay with you both and wake you if you have any nightmares."

Clary's lip wobbled again and she nodded, smiling.

"Okay."

He led her back to the infirmary where Izzy was awake and shifting in her bed. Her face was creased in pain but brightened with a smile when she saw Clary, who raced over and pulled her into a hug.

"I'm so sorry I hurt you!"

"I'm sorry about your Mom!"

Both girls were teary eyed but happy to see each other and Alec gave them a moment before insisting on drawing more runes on Isabelle.

"Lay back down, Iz. You shouldn't be moving around too much. Clary, you can take that bed there, you need to rest too."

Izzy let out a small laugh and raised her eyebrows at Clary.

"Watch out, I think Alec is adopting you as a little sister. He can be overprotective but he gives the best hugs."

Clary smiled as Alec did, shaking his head, and got into the bed beside Izzy.

Once done with Izzy's runes, Alec pulled a chair between the two beds and settled into it, content to watch over the girls as they slept.

Izzy rolled onto her side to see the other two and smiled at her big brother.

"Do you remember that lullaby mom used to sing to us before bed? When we were still scared of the dark?"

Alec nodded. "It was in French. Of course, it didn't really help that she used to tell us the dark is only scary outside the institute and that we should always keep our weapons close. Being aware of demons and monsters as kids is always going to make you scared to go to sleep in the dark."

Clary smiled at the fondness in their voices, remembering the way her own mother used to read her stories before bed.

Izzy spoke through her yawn, pulling her blankets up to her chin.

"Can you sing it Alec? It always helped keep the nightmares away."

Alec shook his head and looked ready to protest but Clary joined it to Izzy's chorus of plea's.

"Please Alec? I've never heard you sing before and my heads too loud to go to sleep on my own."

Well he couldn't say no to both girls, could he? Alec sighed in defeat and leant over to kiss Izzy's forehead and pull another blanket over Clary.

Finally, he sat and begrudgingly started singing. It was soft and quiet in the usually busy institute and although Alec hadn't heard it since his childhood he remembered every word. It calmed him as it did the girls and he sat and sang until they both drifted off, leaving no nightmares to wake them.

Clary's nightmares of dead mothers and blood stained friends, turned to memories she didn't know she still had. Her mother in the mornings before going to school, every birthday and Christmas, every smile and I love you. She missed her mother but she would always love her and she would love this new family too.


End file.
